I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
