drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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