I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
