The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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