Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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