It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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