i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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