If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
