she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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