If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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