I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize