I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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