she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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