I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize