I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
