I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
