She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
