I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
