I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
