Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
