once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
