Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
