Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
