Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
