My nipple is on Facebook.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize