When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
