...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
