That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
