She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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