Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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