Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
