I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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