I will die if light touches me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
