I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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