It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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