Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
