is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
