so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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