Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
