My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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