I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
