Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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