Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
