Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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