Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
