true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
