Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
