Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
