Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
