i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
