I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
