i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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