i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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