Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize