Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
