Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
