Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
