When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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