Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize