It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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