I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
