I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
