hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
