Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
