I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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