i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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