ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
two words...techno handjob
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
