Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
