This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
