I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
